I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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