I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
