can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
