the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
