Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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