Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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