I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize