Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drunk is a universal language darling
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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