So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
