He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
