so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
