fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize