Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
