There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
