my vag is so smooth its legendary
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
