he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize