I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
