Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
