Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
