Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
