theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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