What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
