my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
