Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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