I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
