it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
