dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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