Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
