What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
