You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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