It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
