well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize