I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
