Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
