I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I checked into jail on foursquare
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
