remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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