saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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