So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
