we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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