So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
