I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
