The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize