I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
