idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize