Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
