Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
