Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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