What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
