I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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