Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
