Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
