oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
