Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
