I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
soo... how was my night?
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