Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
