he thought i was a dude.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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