So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is Oprah even human
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
