I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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