The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
