fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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