I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
