my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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