perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
