hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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