i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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