Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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