is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
