Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
soo... how was my night?
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