Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
