I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Damn victory sex feels great
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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