end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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